Let’s accept it, NO ONE KNOWS!

GOOD GRIEF!

This past Memorial Day weekend, it seemed like I spent the better half of it, talking to my friends about new relationships, lack thereof, and old relationships. Somewhere in there was a trickle of a past romance coming back into my life…shhhh I’m not telling you who just yet….

However, for the most part, the weekend was spent discussing what we could all “Do” to fix things, or move things along, or finally put a close to them.

All of the friends I interacted with are at different points in their relationships, some dating, some in relationships, some waiting for the ring, and some, well really only me, still somewhat dwelling after the last failure.

We all, like typical females, and true to nature, hyper analyzed and dissected what we felt was what the other should or could do. Thinking strategically in order to achieve what, well, what we want, our happily ever after.

We discussed recent books reads on these very topics and the “Man” mentality vs. that of the woman. While some of the strategies and perspectives seemed right on, some seemed almost unrealistic!

“Don’t cook for him until he deserves it!”, “Don’t give him more than he deserves”, “Ask him these five questions!”, the joyyyyyyyyy!   

Then , I got to thinkin’….

NOBODY knows ANYTHING!

The truth is, everyone is unpredictable. People can have “changes of heart” at a moments notice, and for whatever reason. They can “see” what they were losing, “see” what they are gaining, or simply “realize” that what was right before them, was right all along.

Nothing is set in stone. Think about how many times you have changed your mind about somebody? Thus, if these books really offered the fail safe secret to relationships, don’t we think we would have everything figured out by now?

So since we all CLEARLY have no idea what we are doing, I will just continue to read up, take what I like from these Relationship self help books, and continue to be my happy, optimistic, self, and enjoy life until Mr. The One comes into my life… 

until then…~ Cheers Everyone! - SLM

One Tequila, Dos Tequila…Sober

This weekend was a myriad of things. Among them, it was giving, nurturing, warming, delicious, but  mostly sobering.

Yes this blog post is current! Its Monday, early AM and I feel like writing. So here I am, wanting to debrief with you, my friends and followers.  Because, well friends, I spent a magical weekend from Friday – Sunday with none other than my munchkin and my imperfectly perfect family.

Friday I spent it with my best Guy cousin and his wife… they are like a brother and sister, and as we lounged around their kitchen bar drinking glasses of Shiraz and Merlot, and munching on some delicious peach chutney, I couldn’t help but think how lucky I was. How lucky to be able to spend my Friday sharing laughs, memories, and anecdotes of our weeks past. I would catch myself permagrinning when I saw their interaction. Their love, that sometimes they don’t even see, was truly magical. I cheered to them and in my toast reminded them of how lucky they were to have what they have and to still be dedicated to each other. No matter what they have been through.

I had far more planned for Saturday than was feasibly possible. I was back to old SLM behavior of overbooking myself, and I knew I would disappoint some. I however made the decision of taking things in stride for the day and getting as much as I could done. I got to about 20% of what I had planned, but the evening ended with a birthday party for my cousin’s son. It was impromptu, she called me to invite me on Friday, but I couldn’t back out on one of my closest cousins. Last minute we started inviting the whole family and before we knew it, there was more beer and alcohol then we could fathom. We were joking, and laughing, just like good ol’ times. It was majestic.

At one point, my cousin and I had a heart to heart where all that was said was “I love you” but that was all that needed to be said. We both understood the paragraphs of words in those three simple words. We were grateful for having our family around. Grateful, for our children to be playing like we once did. And grateful that we were a family again… grateful.

By Sunday, Father’s Day was upon us and we were all mostly back together at my parents. There was tons of Mariscos (Seafood) like our family always knows best… and family and laughs. The newest member of our family stopped by for a visit, and my daughter held her 3 month old cousin in her arms for the first time.

These moments were nothing short of amazing. Our family was not whole, there were people missing, but the truth is, for these moments, the ones that wanted to be, and could be there… were. I was delighted in their company and felt so blessed to have them in my life. For with their company, I was sobered into remembering that family is everything, and I am so lucky to have mine. 

~Cheers- SLM

Take Two! ACTION!

The once not so pessimistic of the bunch has now joined the group.

After a duo of failed relationships, countless pointless dates, and attracting far too many married men. I have decided enough is enough.

So I have decided to do a "Take Two" of my dating detox! No more dating for 3 months, at which time i will re-evaluate whether dating is just in the books for me or not.

By the way, random rant for this post...What the the hell is up with the married men that are having to find relationships outside of their own to make themselves happy?

Today I got an e-mail from a friend, that I found out was married later in our friendship. I had to completely cut ties. I thought to myself, and here you are, being persistent again, and pressuring me to see you. I don't want to see you. I wonder what his wife would think if she knew what he was up to?

Then it dawned on me. Why am i looking for marriage, when so many men are clearly straying? I have friends that tell me about their adventures and i wonder, how they got to this place. If you aren't happy... why would you stay?

I've heard all of the excuses, my finances, my livelihood, and the kicker, the kids.

Really ladies and gents, if you aren't happy, neither will your kids. You are setting a bad example of what's OK to happen in marriage, aloofness, lack of love, and lack of happiness.

Don't we want our kids to live happy lives?

I don't want my daughter "staying in it for the kids" i want her to find happiness. Kids move on. Kids make their own lives. And then what? She would be alone as her husband is off with his mistress?

I think not.

When did this become the norm? Is our societal expectations of what's ok based on the newest scene out of the 72 day Kim Kardashian marriage? For the record, I am not judging, I am simply asking questions.

I am in no way endorsing divorce, because i think that you should WORK on your marriage unless you are in an abusive relationship, whether that be verbal, physical, or emotional. But if not, work it out. Don't go creating more drama by straying! Both men and women alike!

What happened to the sanctity of marriage and that ideal of "for life". What happened to those vows? 

I don't want a set of vows that will be looked past when the right girl turns her heels at my husband! Would you want your significant other straying at the first person that propositioned perhaps a better sex life, a better body than yours, or perhaps a better checkbook than yours? 

Alright enough of that. Enough is enough and here goes nothing. Take Two of 90 days of No Men for SLM begins NOW! Focusing on me! -Cheers~ SLM!  

You down with PBB?

Yeah you know me! Haha

I’m talking about the Post-Baby-Body, otherwise known as PBB.  Formerly known as your PRE-BABY body which most new moms will mourn once they see what their body is well, post baby!

Fact is, no matter who you are, Heidi Klum or SLM, your body well just isn’t quite the same for ANY woman after being “with child”.

Even if you fit back in those jeans, or you lose even more weight than what you weighted pre-pregnancy, most women widen out in their waist or hips or sometimes, like in my case, well completely never go back to the way we used to be. #FAIL.

Sometimes when I go out on dates with men, who don’t have children, I have to wonder if they understand what my body looks like underneath my clothes?

Does he understand the possibility of what could be under these clothes?

To be honest, the very thought mortifies me, and unless you are like one or two of my friends, who have Zero stretch marks and sometimes come out even skinnier after their babies, like most women, it becomes our biggest insecurity.

Recently an unnamable friend was telling me how her significant other had yet to see her completely naked in broad daylight because of how embarrassed she felt.  Then another told me the same…. I got to thinking…

Is it just the fact that we are so dismayed with the results of what we ended with, or the fact that we aren’t what we used to be?  Or both?

In my case my PBB is just not acceptable body shape, I have seen pictures of friends with similar bodies and even after loosing weight and getting in the best shape of their lives, their tummy, well just isn’t the same.

Do men cringe as much as we do when they see us? Personally it takes me soooooooooooo long to be ok with someone seeing me in all of my… FLABBYNESS. THERE I SAID IT!

I hate my PBB not gonna lie, but its mine, and I have to embrace it unless im going under the knife and well lets just say… this SLM is a big wuss… so ill just embrace my rolls and stretch marks. I figure the right man will embrace them too? Ughhhhhh… 

Cheers, I think ~ SLM

Como Novia de Rancho

As everyone gears up for the Valentine’s weekend, some hearts are content, some are excited, others are bitter and filled with sorrow, and mine, well, mine was hopeful.

Hopeful, because I was finally going to get to spend some time with the elusive, Mr. Scubaman.

He had me swooning weeks for him with his funny rhetoric, infallible sweetness and charm, and honesty and humility. Yeah ok, so the guy worked me up a bit, and I was clearly very hopeful about this one.

And then it happened! I was rushing back to my mom’s, bag full of clothes for my daughter in hand, all done up, ready to go, cute boots, purple sweater dress, soft perfume grazing my skin just enough to ensure he didn’t forget me, and my phone goes off.

As I turned to look at the text message and his name came across my iPhone screen, I was sure that the purpose of his text was to gain my address since it was already 30-40 minutes from our previously agreed upon pick up time. Instead as my finger slid swiftly across the screen and revealed his text, my heart dropped.

Childcare issues had changed last minute and he wasn’t coming. He wasn’t coming. I stared at my screen in shock and dismayed. My heart had stopped, I was SURE of it! I tried to breathe, but my chest hurt. Literally.

I read the text over and over again, as if it was going to change… but it didn’t. I finally was able to think and all that came out of my mouth was “OH MY GOD”. I kept repeating it over and over again. If it weren’t for the simple fact that a car beeped at me since my car door was still flung open, I might have not snapped out of that moment.

I know this sounds a tad dramatic, but I swear to you, it was as if time stopped. I responded “OMG” and couldn’t help but tear up. Mr. Scubaman had been texting and emailing me ALL DAMN WEEK about this day. We had talked about how excited we both were and now there I was, sitting in my mom’s truck, in the dark, looking at my iPhone screen, stoic and in tears.

I know that for someone that in reality I have only just started things out with, I shouldn’t have been so upset. But the truth is, I hadn’t had a Valentine in God knows how many years, and quite honestly, I was really excited to finally spend time with him. I really, REALLY,  like him.

I started the car figuring I might as well make my way to my moms and decide what I would do with my night. Just then, Mr. Scubaman, sends a text message continuing to apologize profusely for what had just happened, his tone was different, and I could tell he was annoyed, irritated, and upset.

Later that night, he called me. I was at a nearby restaurant with my mom picking up dinner. He started to apologize and explain, I… had no words. I was so hurt, I started to talk, to interrupt him, but felt the knot of tears in my throat and stopped myself.  He said “Hello” making sure I was still on the phone. I was THAT silent. He bid adieux apologizing for the 50^th time in a 2 minute call, and it was done.

At that point, I just needed to snap out of it. I walked back in the restaurant and texted my best friend asking her to come by for a chat. She couldn’t believe he had cancelled and in less than 15 minutes my BFF was there listening to me vent about how dumbfounded I was. At times, just sitting in silence with me as I worked through it, over and over in my head.

We both speculated on the why’s and alternative options of the night, with what little information we had, but the fact came back to one resounding principal. Why had I given myself so much hope? Why was I giving this that much weight?

Well let me tell you what we came up with… Firstly, it’s the principal of it. A lot goes on behind the scenes for any person with a commitment for a date, all the more for a single mom to get away on a weekend where she has her daughter. Did I fail to mention that? This was my weekend with my daughter. I had asked my parents to change their Friday night plans, so that I could be with Mr. Scubaman! I had shifted things, asked for rides, rushed home, gotten ready, picked up my daughter, shuffled her around until we were set, and just as I was about to close up the night to just wait for my elusive Valentine, he had cancelled.

It felt as though all that sacrifice, all that shuffling, all of that, for him, had just been wasted. It was the principal that my time was important, and for that split second, it was all wasted time.

Being “Stood Up” or “Cancelled on” last minute is as exciting as root canal on an infected Molar. While I have since decided to move past this cancellation of sorts, because well the truth is, some things are beyond your control, and this definitely was beyond his. I have to wonder how much damage was really done to his number of brownie points. We all deserve second chances, he will get his.

Until said redemption happens, Mr. Scubaman is on a reduced hope diet. My hopes are no longer out of control. My feet are more firmly planted... a good thing perhaps? Who friggin knows – Cheers!

~ A Disappointed SLM

Dynamite Domingo!

There is nothing better than Sundays in my Book! I know the majority of the population is ecstatic when Friday is here. After all, it is the end of the dreaded work week and time to have fun! But my new favorite day is Sunday (aka Domingo)! 

You see, as part of my custody agreement, my munchkin leaves me every other weekend from Friday at 7pm to Sunday at 7 pm! UGHHH!!!!!  

And while there are times where I want nothing more than for her continuous yapping and questions to stop, my munchkin is my everything. She keeps me going. She gives me strength. Occasionally, she even causes me to surprise myself with my level of patience! Haha 

But the fact is, that every single weekend she isn't here it's like a mad dash to stay busy until she is with me again! And I'm not kidding! 

Ninety-nine times out of 100 I jam pack my schedule until pickup time so I don't feel alone. BLEH! 

Do any of my other single mama friends out there feel the same way? 

I obviously have days where I have nothing to do but stay home and clean, or go to dinner by myself, and I'm fine.  But give me a full day with nothing to do but think, and we've got problems! It's been over a year with this arrangement and it's still not any easier! 

So like most Sundays, last night I was counting the minutes until she was with me again! I picked her up, polished up her toe nails and nails, like every Sunday night, and sooner than later,she was fast asleep in my arms! Dynamite Domingo's! YEAH! -Cheers! ~SLM

Survival and Madrehood

Broke! Yes, I said it! I'm broke! Sure I enjoy myself with my friends on occasion, buy food, pay the bills, yeah, yeah, yeah! We get it!! 

But seriously, it's the Wednesday before payday, and I probably have $6 to my name. Wow. 

I guess this is what happens when you CHOOSE to have one income. 

It's funny you know, I have a good job, I pay all my bills, have a roof over our heads, but when my daughter asked me if I'd buy her pizza tomorrow, I froze in fright. I wanted to quickly say "Of cooooouuuuurse" and yet in that split second I thought: "I wonder if my mom has $20 she wouldn't mind letting me borrow?"

JUST THEN! I was relieved to remember that she was going to her Dad's tomorrow night! I quickly turned and reminded her. She fortunately was satisfied with my answer. Phew! Dodged a bullet right there! Sheesh! 

But the truth is, it bothered me. It bothered me enough to unsettle my strength. I felt like just for things like this, although there may be times in the future where I may need to say No, I still needed to have a plan, a safety net, so that this wouldn't happen again!

There is clearly nothing I can immediately do to remedy this situation. The fact is, my budget was such, that I knew I would be right where I am at, broke and crawling for my paycheck! 

And yet, I know that come Friday, I'll be ok again. Just like always taking it a week at a time, and sometimes a day at a time. 

But that's it! I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck! I want to have pizza money and maybe even some ice cream money as well! I mean after all, my munchkinator deserves it, and well honestly, I don't want that feeling again. :(

So call it what you may, fear of words, or fear of failure as a mother in my pizza wanting 6 year olds eyes.

Survival is no longer an option! 

I'm moving toward a much more cushioned budget, cause well really, madrehood is more important right now and for god's sakes, my munchkin wants pizza! -Cheers! ~SLM