Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Survival and Madrehood

Broke! Yes, I said it! I'm broke! Sure I enjoy myself with my friends on occasion, buy food, pay the bills, yeah, yeah, yeah! We get it!! 

But seriously, it's the Wednesday before payday, and I probably have $6 to my name. Wow. 

I guess this is what happens when you CHOOSE to have one income. 

It's funny you know, I have a good job, I pay all my bills, have a roof over our heads, but when my daughter asked me if I'd buy her pizza tomorrow, I froze in fright. I wanted to quickly say "Of cooooouuuuurse" and yet in that split second I thought: "I wonder if my mom has $20 she wouldn't mind letting me borrow?"

JUST THEN! I was relieved to remember that she was going to her Dad's tomorrow night! I quickly turned and reminded her. She fortunately was satisfied with my answer. Phew! Dodged a bullet right there! Sheesh! 

But the truth is, it bothered me. It bothered me enough to unsettle my strength. I felt like just for things like this, although there may be times in the future where I may need to say No, I still needed to have a plan, a safety net, so that this wouldn't happen again!

There is clearly nothing I can immediately do to remedy this situation. The fact is, my budget was such, that I knew I would be right where I am at, broke and crawling for my paycheck! 

And yet, I know that come Friday, I'll be ok again. Just like always taking it a week at a time, and sometimes a day at a time. 

But that's it! I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck! I want to have pizza money and maybe even some ice cream money as well! I mean after all, my munchkinator deserves it, and well honestly, I don't want that feeling again. :(

So call it what you may, fear of words, or fear of failure as a mother in my pizza wanting 6 year olds eyes.

Survival is no longer an option! 

I'm moving toward a much more cushioned budget, cause well really, madrehood is more important right now and for god's sakes, my munchkin wants pizza! -Cheers! ~SLM

2 comments:

  1. I think all single mothers have been here!! Si de casada a veces no tenia ni pa un pinche taco!!! The truth of the matter is that no matter how little or how much we have we still do whatever we can for our girls!! Shit, if my daughters want Pizza Hut and all I have is $10 till Friday, I'll get them pizza hut y alv lo demas!! If I only have $5 or $6 , chingue su madre, alli esta el Zappy's!!! It sounds ghetto but keep your head up :)

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    1. I completely agree! and know what you mean. In this case though it just happened to highlight something for me that I should have done long ago. Budget! :) Thanks Vero for reading and following :)

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