What’s meant to be, will be?

Prepare. This may be one of those posts that may cause you to think, what the heck is going on with her? LOL

Today, like many days, I feel introspective. Its my favorite thing to do. To reflect, analyze in seek truth in myself and the world around me. I see so many people float effortlessly through their monotonous days and as I have said before, this introspection keeps me accountable.

Last night, a sobering call brought some news to me about a friend my age. She called to tell me that a life threatening lump had been identified on the Month of Breast Cancer Awareness, coincidence? I think not.

Point is, as you know, this type of news never fails to make me really evaluate how truly blessed and lucky I am.

And yet, while I sit here and ponder on the many things I am blessed with and the things I so long for, I have to acknowledge that a huge part of that which is missing, and I have yet to accomplish, is my happily ever after.  You know exactly what I mean, to start the rest of life with someone.

However, as I think about it, I have to wonder whether that is just not in my destiny. All of my friends joke and say, SLM, there is NO WAY you will be single, you are too _______ (fill in the blank). All great things, and I thank all of them for thinking so kindly and highly of me. However, like my friend, she also though there was NO WAY she would ever get Cancer.

Her family, had no history. She, had no symptoms. Why?

If what is meant to be, will be, then what if destiny holds singlehood and this blog in the cards for the rest of my days? What if like her, I will be dealt a card I wasn’t expecting.

I just realized I am comparing singlehood to cancer. There is clearly no comparison. However, my intention is not to compare but just elaborate on how sometimes, destinies are determined by exterior forces. Forces, that are far beyond our control.

No matter how many dates, how much I “Put myself out there”, how much I try to be myself, marriage, more children, a life of couplehood may just not be a card that will be in my deck.

So, what to do now? Accept it? Move on? Keep the hope? Sighhhhhhhhhhhh.

Morose. Choleric. Blech.

~SLM