Como Novia de Rancho

As everyone gears up for the Valentine’s weekend, some hearts are content, some are excited, others are bitter and filled with sorrow, and mine, well, mine was hopeful.

Hopeful, because I was finally going to get to spend some time with the elusive, Mr. Scubaman.

He had me swooning weeks for him with his funny rhetoric, infallible sweetness and charm, and honesty and humility. Yeah ok, so the guy worked me up a bit, and I was clearly very hopeful about this one.

And then it happened! I was rushing back to my mom’s, bag full of clothes for my daughter in hand, all done up, ready to go, cute boots, purple sweater dress, soft perfume grazing my skin just enough to ensure he didn’t forget me, and my phone goes off.

As I turned to look at the text message and his name came across my iPhone screen, I was sure that the purpose of his text was to gain my address since it was already 30-40 minutes from our previously agreed upon pick up time. Instead as my finger slid swiftly across the screen and revealed his text, my heart dropped.

Childcare issues had changed last minute and he wasn’t coming. He wasn’t coming. I stared at my screen in shock and dismayed. My heart had stopped, I was SURE of it! I tried to breathe, but my chest hurt. Literally.

I read the text over and over again, as if it was going to change… but it didn’t. I finally was able to think and all that came out of my mouth was “OH MY GOD”. I kept repeating it over and over again. If it weren’t for the simple fact that a car beeped at me since my car door was still flung open, I might have not snapped out of that moment.

I know this sounds a tad dramatic, but I swear to you, it was as if time stopped. I responded “OMG” and couldn’t help but tear up. Mr. Scubaman had been texting and emailing me ALL DAMN WEEK about this day. We had talked about how excited we both were and now there I was, sitting in my mom’s truck, in the dark, looking at my iPhone screen, stoic and in tears.

I know that for someone that in reality I have only just started things out with, I shouldn’t have been so upset. But the truth is, I hadn’t had a Valentine in God knows how many years, and quite honestly, I was really excited to finally spend time with him. I really, REALLY,  like him.

I started the car figuring I might as well make my way to my moms and decide what I would do with my night. Just then, Mr. Scubaman, sends a text message continuing to apologize profusely for what had just happened, his tone was different, and I could tell he was annoyed, irritated, and upset.

Later that night, he called me. I was at a nearby restaurant with my mom picking up dinner. He started to apologize and explain, I… had no words. I was so hurt, I started to talk, to interrupt him, but felt the knot of tears in my throat and stopped myself.  He said “Hello” making sure I was still on the phone. I was THAT silent. He bid adieux apologizing for the 50^th time in a 2 minute call, and it was done.

At that point, I just needed to snap out of it. I walked back in the restaurant and texted my best friend asking her to come by for a chat. She couldn’t believe he had cancelled and in less than 15 minutes my BFF was there listening to me vent about how dumbfounded I was. At times, just sitting in silence with me as I worked through it, over and over in my head.

We both speculated on the why’s and alternative options of the night, with what little information we had, but the fact came back to one resounding principal. Why had I given myself so much hope? Why was I giving this that much weight?

Well let me tell you what we came up with… Firstly, it’s the principal of it. A lot goes on behind the scenes for any person with a commitment for a date, all the more for a single mom to get away on a weekend where she has her daughter. Did I fail to mention that? This was my weekend with my daughter. I had asked my parents to change their Friday night plans, so that I could be with Mr. Scubaman! I had shifted things, asked for rides, rushed home, gotten ready, picked up my daughter, shuffled her around until we were set, and just as I was about to close up the night to just wait for my elusive Valentine, he had cancelled.

It felt as though all that sacrifice, all that shuffling, all of that, for him, had just been wasted. It was the principal that my time was important, and for that split second, it was all wasted time.

Being “Stood Up” or “Cancelled on” last minute is as exciting as root canal on an infected Molar. While I have since decided to move past this cancellation of sorts, because well the truth is, some things are beyond your control, and this definitely was beyond his. I have to wonder how much damage was really done to his number of brownie points. We all deserve second chances, he will get his.

Until said redemption happens, Mr. Scubaman is on a reduced hope diet. My hopes are no longer out of control. My feet are more firmly planted... a good thing perhaps? Who friggin knows – Cheers!

~ A Disappointed SLM