The Answer to my Equation

I am literally in physical pain right now. My hip feels disjointed. My body feels worthy of an 80 year old's weathered physique and I, am grateful for the pain. 

While it may seem idiotic... it's 100% true. 

You see this pain I feel is due to hours of joyful dancing. This weekend was a fun filled one and for someone who works this hard, you better believe I will play hard just as well. 

SLM and My Pops

I misbehaved, drank in excess, danced till my legs couldn't any more and stayed up till the sun rose... and I don't regret one bit of it.

You see, as reckless as that all may seem, this weekend was exactly what I needed. The ability to disconnect from my daily stressors and the ability to fully unwind and enjoy my friends and family. 

My Parents

Lately it seems, family is my escape. It is usually the other way around... you get closer to your friends, but for me, my liberty has come by way of being around my family. 

You see, in my case I know there were many things I needed to forgive myself for. Things that I said and did to my parents that hurt them. In order to move forward, I needed to prove to myself that I had forgiven myself. The only way to solve this problem was to prove it to myself. 

My way of doing that was to find my inner peace. 

Last year, I was given a very humbling diagnosis just before thanksgiving. It was another reminder that life, is not guaranteed. It was yet another moment in life that made me accountable for all my actions. 

I remember crying for nights on end attempting to face my fate. 

Since then, the only thing that changed though as I reflect has been my perspective. Like a course right out of my recent History of Philosophy class, I was given a first hand lesson in perspective and objective reasoning. 

You see when you are handed something so humbling, so absolutely mind blowing, you realize how the simplest things are amazing. 

Feeling the sun's warmth, a hug from you daughter, a moment around the bonfire with your parents, a hug, a kiss, and yes even sex. All of it. It all changes. 

So I made the conscious decision to focus on the one thing I've known I have wanted to do with my life. Leave a legacy. 

So I got to work, hard work. Putting forward hours and more hours, effort and passion, all of me drowned into what I want to build. Even if I am not granted the time to achieve it. I will be dammed if I don't try, if I don't work my heart out to get what I want. 

Since then, things have started to look up for this Single Latina Mama. With it, my spirits, finances, and self esteem have also grown. I have known that I will forever grow and change, but 2014 has been a year of demonstrable growth. 

I have made changes that even I can't believe I could make. I have finally truly taken on the perspective that no one that doesn't care about me matters, and that to make something of this borrowed time, I must charge forward unfailingly and without remorse. 

It is not the end of the year, but as I chronicle my half way point through the year.... strength, purpose, and willpower have all been the way through it, and the way upward. 

Here is to living without regrets. - 

Cheers~ SLM