The strum of a single guitar soothes me now.
And yet, every single pluck of the string seems as though it resonates with every inch of pain that clouts me.
Yesterday, I spoke on the very reality of how amazing my life has been. It's important to focus on the positive.
The truth is, it has been absolutely magnificent, and this past Monday, it all catapulted into something I was sure I wouldn't experience again.
After a long day of work, dropping off the, then boyfriend at his mom's house, and returning home for some dreaded homework, I opened up my Facebook.
It had been months since I had a computer at home. Most of my updates were iPhone originated and so having a full screen was exciting. Except instead of a sign on screen, my boyfriends profile popped up and so did a message from a woman, almost instantaneously.
I have since grown up from my snooping days, but her message read flirty, and it stung.
I know I shouldn't have, and as my mouse's arrow scrolled over to the messages button I even questioned if I really wanted to know. The stress of it all swelled in my neck and upper back. The pressure was building and as I sat there for what seemed like forever, I decided, if there was nothing to hide, I would find nothing.
Big Mistake.
I sit here now, trying to make sense of it all in my head. What I read, what I saw, what I wish I could truly erase. At that moment, the shock of it all held me. Stoic.
What could I possible do? Confront him? Say something? And then what? Was this... it?
I read on, message after message with more than one woman. Please God, no. This isn't happening.
I searched the screen as though at some point I would see that the dates were old, that the messages were dated and I could find an excuse to make this justifiable, excusable, reasonable. Nothing.
The last message, September 3rd. Sigh.
I had prayed recently. I had asked God, that if he wasn't the man for me, to show me that he wasn't.
Here I was praying again for it all not to be true.
Had I excused the red flags?
Had I turned away from the likely signs?
The truth is, I tried with every ounce of my being to play fair.
I didn't question anything. I gave him his space. We are all adults after all. Aren't we?
Respect. I explained it many times to him. I explained that it was my one condition. Respect me, and all will be fine. But what bigger disrespect than to talk to, and court other women regardless of the medium.
I wish I could tell you that I am certain right now of how I feel about it all, but the closest resemblance to certainty I have at this moment, is the fact that I know that my baby is in bed, as I type away tears are swelling in my eyes.
99% of his belongings still sitting in my living room packed and ready to be thrown, burned, transported, god only knows.
What's more, I know that I've been so busy lately with school and work that the day sweeps by and then I am home, stoic, and recounting every single key stroke, every name, every conversation over and over again in my head.
My somewhat morose and candid posts on social media have given clue to my friends that things are off and so my closest friends continue to reach out and I, have... no... words. I just can't.
I wish I could be angry. I wish I could have the audacity to burn his belongings, and shred every single thing to pieces like he did to my heart. But I am not that person.
I am certain that like many other scorned women, I have a deep sense of loss and blame. I know you will argue that I have no reason to feel it, but I wasn't enough for him.
I gave him everything. I loved him.
Tuesday I woke up after two hours of sleep with eyes that looked like I had been punched. Tomorrow, will be the same. Nothing makeup and smile can't fix right?
No one, will have the words that will shake this from me. No one will bring me out of it. Only I can do that. I learned it through my divorce, I know it now. Friends and family can provide temporary distractions, but when the night falls there is no escaping your thoughts.
It's all part of the motions. This too shall pass I suppose.
And like so many of my friends say, it was better to find out now. Right?
Yes. I suppose. I could argue though... is there truly ever a good time to find out that someone isn't who you thought they were?
Is there ever a good time to realize that the person you love with every ounce in your being doesn't love you the same way back? I get it, I am being negative and emotional....
Hey! I am allowed to be, it has been two days.
The details of this relationship's demise will continue to stay between this person and myself. He won't be getting a "Mr." name either, some people don't deserve anything more from me.
I play fair, even when the cards aren't in my favor. Even when the other player cheats blatantly. I won't aim for revenge. I won't trash or sell his belongings. I won't buy in to the crazy ex-girlfriend stigma that some men constantly use to depict women in such a way that isn't truly accurate.
I will however, hold my head high knowing that I gave it my best shot.
You will all say it is his loss, yet there are no winners here.
Facebook should have a relationship failure statistic. Seriously though, it might help to dissuade cheaters. Ha! Who am I kidding. Fools. All of you who do this.
Hell yeah I am bitter- deal with it.
Sweet Dreams ~ SLM
A series of excerpts, thoughts, questions, debriefs, and hilarious anecdotes of the life of a Single Latina Mom as she navigates motherhood, family, work, and dating.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
The Download (Part 1)
Prepare for the longest blog post to date....Sorry guys, but I have so much drama to share with you! I will literally be doing this in Installments!
Sooooo.... let's catch you up on what you have missed in this still, Single Latina Mama's life.
It has been what? Well, by golly, I think its been at least a couple months since I have touched base. Things, well, have been quite hectic to say the least. My life geared up in terms of work and all of my outside activities also took a turn for the exciting.
Since my last post, I have managed to literally make history TWICE!
No, really. I am not kidding.
While it may be no feat to some, it is quite the feat to me and I am going to take it! After all, what better bragging rights for your kids when you are 80, old, saggy, rocking in a chair on the porch... and being able to say, well in my day.... I made History. Twice. Hehe
You see... I am the General Manager of an Instagramer community here in San Diego known as @igerssandiego. You should follow us... alright that's all the spamming ill hit you with. Maybe.
But seriously, we are doing some amazing things with this group and I have built a pretty amazing team to help this community become what it has, record breaking, and history making. I just can't say it enough! HA!
Photo Cred: @lauren_gallaway |
After an invitation by fellow blogger Stephanie-SoyMeetsGirl.com to host the second annual Haute As Ever event at the Del Mar Racetrack. This Latina Mom was also asked to be a panelist at Social Media Day San Diego!
Yep. I couldn't believe it. It was exciting to share the panel with the World's Most Connected Woman on LinkedIn Mrs. Stacy Zapar among so many others that I just oogled at in our Green Room. One of which was Social Media expert for the San Diego Chargers, Joel Price.
Yep. I couldn't believe it. It was exciting to share the panel with the World's Most Connected Woman on LinkedIn Mrs. Stacy Zapar among so many others that I just oogled at in our Green Room. One of which was Social Media expert for the San Diego Chargers, Joel Price.
I was floored. He approached me with "You are the person I've wanted to meet!"
Photo Cred: @Chargers |
No really, that happened. He talked to me about collaborating and hosting a meet at their training camp, and well... the rest, Ha! The rest, is truly history! IgerSanDiego was the first IGer group to ever partner with a professional Football Organization, better even, any professional sporting organization WORLD WIDE! Oh yeah! In the world. Boom!
Oh but wait... it got better. The event brought in record crowds to the Training Camp with over 3,000 attendees. Moreover, the winner of a photo contest got credentialed to be on the field for warm ups and the coin toss at the first pre-season game! Lucky!! Don't believe me? Check it out here!
The best part is, that Haute as Ever was still only one month away and planning and details were well underway! When I brought this event to the table with my team, my first thought was... what is the record for Instameets? After some research we found out the largest meet to date was in Madrid, Spain and hosted an outstanding 235 instagramers. Most meet ups that we have hosted even at some of our most popular locations can host up to 75 but never in the hundreds. Well this Single Latina Mama wanted more. Stephanie had informed me that in the past these events had hosted somewhere between 500 to 700 attendees. If I could manage to get that many instagramers there, we could easily break the record!
So my team and I set out on a mission to host the World's Largest Instameet.
Along the way, we enlisted Phil Gonzalez, IGers Founder and creator of Instagramers.com who lives in Madrid, Spain . We knew he would be excited to learn more and so we emailed back and forth for weeks. Suddenly, the unthinkable happened! Photosi Printup offered to fly Phil to San Diego! We could not believe it! Shortly there after groups from all over! San Francisco, Mexico, Arizona, Boston, all joined forces with us and even made it out to an event that set the World Record with 451 actual Instagramers and their guests. Music Art Life produced the event adding a 1940's theme, complete with a hair styling station, vintage furniture, burlesque dancers, live models, and live artists painting as the event went on.
If you hadn't heard about the event head on over to Instagram and type in the hashtag #HauteAsEver13 for all the amazing pics of the event! We even had @DanToffey of Instagram join us at the event. You can see him pictured in our team picture below in the Striped Shirt!
I am SO lucky. Firstly, let me say that. I have a team that I couldn't have done this all without. Lauren @Lauren_Gallaway our Feature Queen who manages our features on our account day in and day out. Dave @kiddradi our Marketing Masta, Ruben @sdruben our Graphics Guru, Heather @Heather_Amber who is our Project Princess! But who can forget our amazing IgersSD Street Team who help us with getting the word out, setup, breakdown, creative ideas, etc. (Pictured are: @sdchris, @xaperockz, @pacificyo, and Igers San Diego founder @hons24) Not pictured were our many volunteers both on and off instagram, I know I will miss many so I wont attempt a roll call, but truly, THANK YOU.
I hope you will join me at one of these events soon! And if you aren't part of your local Instagramer community, trust me, you should be!
These group of people have become family! Cheers- SLM
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