There she blows!

There she blows!

Friends, yes I said friends, most of you, my readers, are friends, and those that aren't, are friends now, because you all see so much of me through this medium. Today, I come to you, quite honestly just having to vent! 

It's been a number of days since I've been with you. Mostly, because I have been busy being "everything" again. It's so like me, to take on so much! Even after trying to find a way to reduce the amount of things I'm involved in, here I am, not having enough time in the day to do, and be, everything. Ughhhh

I've set priorities and #1 on my list, as always, is munchkin. This year she has started second grade and her teacher is not only incredible and awesome, she is also strict, and disciplined. She requires tons of homework from the children, all constructive, educational, and remarkably necessary when it comes to testing. My daughter will be facing 6 standardized tests this year. With a child who faces delays in terms of her speech and language, you can understand how a parent like me, would find this incredibly troubling. 

Recently, at my daughter's "Back To School Night", we covered the topics and tests which she would be facing. Among them, were things I don't remember covering until I was in fourth grade! (insert expletives!!!) 

I worry, as a parent and mother, about how this will affect my daughter when it comes to grade advancement and educational goals. The class objectives and topics all so far fetched and unrealistic for my daughter, that I wonder how as a full time working single mother with only half time custody during the week, I will ever manage to get my daughter there and on target. The summit is daunting, and quite honestly, disheartening. 

Added to that, is the new transition to a before an after school program for parents like me! Parents who work full time and are unable to drop off/pick up their children from school. Up until this year, my munchkin has always been cared for by my mother. Now that she isn't, my daughter is at school 10 hours a day. No joke. This saddens me. It is not what I planned, not what I would prefer, not how I saw my daughter being raised. When I pick her up, it's nearly 6pm.  We have three short hours together in which time we have to do homework, eat dinner and take showers. 

At times, I'm so glad I only have one child. 

This transition though, is hardly existent. Munchkin isn't doing well with waking up early. She isn't doing well in focusing on Homework, and she is refusing to go directly to the after school program by confusing office staff (she tells them I am picking her up).

She wants to be back at my moms house. I get it. However, being at the after school program also has its benefits! Among them, the opportunity for socio-development through her play with other children and homework help!

Yes! They help her with some homework! Which frees up some time for us at home! 

All in all, the morning program is what worries me. She isn't sleeping long enough, isn't waking up my happy munchkin anymore, and I'm the horrible mom that makes us do things we don't want to! 

So sue me! I want my three full hours with her to be MY time! Time I can just cuddle, play games, go to the park, enjoy! :-( 

When did our society become this evil monster against effective childhood bonding? Moreover, why is it so focused on getting our kids toward unattainable standards no matter what their limitations? 

I'm not expecting a pity party, or a wish for better times. This is life, for many people out there. The simple life of many years ago, times before TV's and  Computers,  Overtime and Overworked parents, seems so much more appealing as I age. 

Simple though, doesn't exist. Well at least not in the big crazy world that is Single Latina Mamahood.

-Cheers! ~SLM

Men Say the Darndest Things! -Dating Outtakes

“You would be the perfect woman if you weren’t so professional”- SMM, 37 yrs

I'm sorry? Come again? Did he really just say that to me?

This, among other things, have been some of many, many things that have managed to confuse me, mortify me, and honestly, just downright make me die laughing.

Why you ask? Because as I navigate this single mom world of dating, I find myself wondering if I ever will really find someone when they have the audacity to reproach me on such things as my professional goals and ambition!

I was recently talking to one of my close cousins about this, we couldn’t help but laugh and share all the silly things that some men say… because well, men say the darndest things! 

“I just don’t date people like you, you know, tall girls”-SWM, 34ish?

I have no reason to lie. This one, this one just about did it! I was upset! He continued on to tell me how “Tall guys simply like short women.” It was comical. This coming from the tallest and cutest guy in my building, which i was secretly crushing on...ughhh! 

For starters… who says this to another person? “I just don’t date people like you?”

I mean really? Wouldn’t it make you feel like something or someone that is missing something? Dysfunctional, or simply just not enough?

Moreover, what was he exepcting I respond to that?

Honestly though, after spending some thought on it, I took it with a grain of salt. The truth being, I don’t date people like him! Closed minded, superficial people that judge others based on their looks (in this case height) and move on. Not worth my time! Wow!

“I think you are just intimidating, you have your stuff together, guys sometimes aren’t ready for all that” –SMM, 30yrs

Again, what does that even mean!??

Independence is a factor? Is this one of those things that I have to decipher as... what you are REALLY looking for, is a woman who depends on you and doesn’t have it together so that you can come and play the roll of Captain Save-A-Hoe?? LOL

Do you see why i'm confused!?

“Wow! You are so much smarter than I thought!”- SWM, 41yrs.

Oh EM GEEEE really?!?? This one was the kicker for me! This simply evokes pure unadultered laughter! Seriously! Laughter!

Maybe it's because he was older. Perhaps it was because he prejudged me based on what? My blonde hair? My easy going attitude? God Knows what!!! But really? REALLY?

While some of these were clearly meant to be compliments... Part of me has to wonder if they stopped to think what they were saying before they spoke? I would caution to say, no! Lol

All joking aside, Guys, let's think about what we say before we say it!

Better yet, lets focus on important things that matter! You know, like WHO a person is, WHAT they belive in, WHAT they want from a relationship and life!

Not superficial judgements on someone's stature or what their job will mean to you! Or whether you will be the bread winner in the relationship, that DOESNT EVEN EXIST YET! Lol! ((Shaking my Head))

If we were less shallow, more perhaps Real, wouldn't we possibly find a better fit? This reminds me of my "Dating a la Shallow Mode" blog. Its a great read about this topic, if you havent already, check it out!  

But for now, I will continue to collect quotes as I partially dwell on the Tall, Smart, Put Together Professional Woman that I am... Haha! Damn, I guess I am where I want to be ;) -Cheers~SLM

What's in yours? SLM Bucket List

A friend recently told me that someday I would be happy again... Gracias!

The below is my bucket list... A list of things I want to do before I die... You should have one too...

*Find joy in life again *********DONE-

* Learn how to swim (So afraid of the water!)

* Swim with Dolphins

* Take a cruise

* Learn how to scuba dive

* Visit white sand beaches (at least two...one in the carribean, the other on the Yucatan Penninsula)

* Fly on an airplane (so afraid of heights) *************DONE

* Stay at a job for more than 5 years *************DONE

* See Mariah Carey in concert again

* Get married at a church (since I never did)

* Write a book (or finish one for that matter)

* Visit Greece! (Ahhhh to walk where Socrates once roamed!)

* Visit the Vatican and Coliseum in Rome

* Visit France (ahh...To visit the land of love…)

* Visit Italy (eat the food, and gelato… mmmmh)

* Earn more than $70,000 per year

* Own my own business (Preferably a Restaurant)

* Have GREAT credit

* Ice Skate

* Have another child (as I always intended it)

* Go camping again

* Visit the Grand Canyon

* Visit the Museum of Modern Art in New York

* Buy a home (This is probably the biggest one for me)

* Run a full marathon (26 miles)

* Buy myself a Louis Vuitton Bag

* Have a Mercedes (a NEW one)

* Have one full week of worry free vacation *************DONE

* Have lobster in Puerto Nuevo again (mmmm) *************DONE

* Visit Mazatlan again (my home land) 

*Travel the world with my Soulmate 

What about you? What would be on your Bucket List? Have one?

If you dont, Make one! Its a great way to track your progress and make sure you are taking EVERYTHING you want from your life and creating the experiences you want from it! ;)

-Cheers~ SLM

Single, Schedules, and Survival

The sacrifices we don't like to talk about are many. Every single time I sit down with another single parent friend, the resounding truth always comes out. We are single, parents, and making sacrifices on all levels. 

Recently over drinks with one of my dear friends, Italiana Anastasia, we both kept talking about how our schedules never match up! We have completely opposite schedules. Visitation schedules of course! The weekdays and weekends that I don't have my munchkin, she has her B-man! It's frustrating, to say the least. 

On days when I have my daughter, I treasure my time with her. I try not to take away from our time by spending it with friends, and focus on family! Rightfully so. 

However, all of us single parents sacrifice in some way shape or form. 

Today, like I promised I wouldn't, I sit here typing away, with less than $5 to my name. Why? Sacrifices! You see I recently changed up taxes, retirement funds, and the likes on payroll, all to benefit my daughters future. Additionally, we are now 13 days away from my munchkins Birthday vacation! 

Yep, you heard it! My soon-to-be 7 year old is getting a vacation for her birthday! 

Months ago, when I asked her what she would like for her birthday, she randomly, and excitedly, wished to get on a plane to go on vacation! NO JOKE! Her literal words were, "I wanna get on a plane and go on vacation!" 

She stared at me tentatively, as though she was waiting for my reaction. I asked her why? Her simple response, "I've never been on a plane! And I wanna go to vacation!" of course! Simple enough. 

Now by an act of god of course! Yes, he gets all the credit! Southwest Airlines happened to throw a fall travel sale two short weeks after our conversation. Flights were half off! I started to look at locations and finally settled on San Francisco! I had recently been there, I have friends in the area that I can visit, and there is tons to do! I wasn't expecting to pay for flights that payday weekend, but I paid the flights, and sacrificed the rest of the month! 

FIVE DAYS! FIVE DAYS this kid gets for her birthday vacation! I've never been on a vacation this long before! 

I'm not sure how many 7 year olds get what they ask for from their single parent, but as I sit here with $3 to my name, because I've paid all my bills early so I have a free paycheck next payday, I just hope, that one day, my baby knows how much I sacrifice for her. Sacrificed, because she is my everything! Good Night friends! -Cheers! ~SLM

Bruised Ego, Beaten Heart

This weekend was a good one. I was at the ranch all three days. I didn’t actually stay there, but managed to make my way there all three days, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

Saturday, my mother’s best friend celebrated her birthday with a small party, that ended up being big!

In preparation, Friday, a sheep was killed for the Birria which would be cooked underground in a fire pit (It’s the best way). On our way, I casually mentioned to munchkin that we had killed a sheep to which she exclaimed “NISGUSTING MOM.”  Haha, oh the perils of motherhood.  With my kid, and my roommates kids in tote, we were off to the ranch around 6pm.

My roommates eldest is in her “Questions Stage”, on my drive I'm sure I got at least 25 questions from her. Questions that included “Why are we going to the ranch,” “What are we going to do there,” and “Why is it getting dark now?” She is so funny! Almost prior to arrival, my munchkin turns to me and says, “Mom so we are going to get guns and kill the sheep?” I gasp! Is that what she envisioned? My poor daughter, I thought to myself! I'm traumatizing the poor girl! “No honey” I explained, “Grandma and Grandpa, did it already and they did not use a gun.” She sighed and dismissed me.

Saturday was a whirlwind day, but at 7pm we were at the ranch, eating the delicious birria, and listening to banda! Rocking my two sizes smaller jeans, and a leaopard print blouse, and of course, my nine west cowboy boots, I am walking with an umpf in my step and holding no prisoners!

Everyone comments and notices my weight loss, making my sacrifices well worth it! I am feeling good. My red lips give me an extra sense of feminine and as my eyes meet with his, I am sure he is stunned.

Mr. Cowboy and I have for the past two years had an interesting romantic situation.  It’s odd. We come together, then drift apart, then come together again, then drifted again. It’s like we both don’t know whether we are what each other wants. He is rocking a white cowboy shirt with brown shoulders, lean fit jeans, and of course cowboy hat and boots, Hotttttt! Ughhhh! I approach for the typical Hispanic kiss on the cheek and he shifts ever more slightly, planting a half kiss on my cheek, half on my lips. Not gonna lie, my insides were a flurry.  He is sooooo sexy. Ha!

At this point, my blood is rushing, my heart is beating out of control, and I can’t think of anything but his lips. He walks away and I continue my hello’s through the rest of the people there, knowing some, introducing myself to others.  I turn, and Mr. Cowboy has disappeared. Ughhhh.

Earlier that week, when we had met for dinner, we discussed him coming to the ranch today and he sounded excited and wanting to hang out with me. My expectations were high.

It wasn’t until much later in the night that he reemerged doing the typical macho Mexican man thing of hanging out with the guys, while the women sit and chat. Annoying.

He would pass by one way, then the other, my eyes, never leaving his stroll. "DAMMIT, why doesn’t he come talk to me?"  

I start drinking more aggressively.  Merlot was my friend for the night. A cheap Australian wine, but my favorite nonetheless. Eventually he strolls by and I call to him. The alcohol, has made me brave. I ask him outright. “What is up with you today?” To which he grabs a chair and sits next to me.  “Nothing, why?” he asks. Like an idiot I say “Well because you’ve talked to everyone tonight, and haven’t spent any time with me, or even talked to me! It’s like you don’t know me and everyone here knows that there is something between us!” he stares blankly at me and responds “I’m sorry, I’ve just been enjoying my night, I have no reason to ignore you, You are my friend”. WHAT THE... 

My dad walks over to me asking me to go pick up some cigarettes form the store. After a short exchange about cars, and my inability to drive, he turns to Mr. Cowboy and says, “You take her!” Mr. Cowboy obliges and we are on our way. His “friend” comment irritated me so much, I was fuming. 

When we arrived at the nearby Pilot Gas Station, I ask him to get off. I had forgotten my wallet. I didn’t have my ID. He starts arguing with me. I dismiss his sorry excuses and went myself. He follows me in. I turn to him and snip “Why did you get off now?” He smiles, knowing i'm irritated and just nods his head as the clerk is ready for me to tell him what I want. I ask him, pay him, hand Mr. Cowboy the cigarettes. He says nothing.

I can be such a drama queen.

We are back on our way, the cold air that hits me when leaving the convenience store has now made me slightly dizzy and feeling more intoxicated. But, the irritation continues to grow. I finally word vomit “What do you want from me?” He turns shocked, and calmly asks, “What do you mean?” I say, “You call me, and then don’t, you want to hang out and then you go weeks without talking to me. Your uncles call me niece, I just keep getting mixes signals from you, and I don’t know what you want from me!”

He swallows, and says “A friendship.” 

I say "REALLY? So you just want to be friends then?" 

He laughs, he knows I’m intoxicated. I’m sure I’ve slurred some of the words.  FAIL.

He stays quiet. I turn to him and with every ounce of self pride put toward the back of my mind, I say “Te Quiero” which in Spanish means I care about you. His response… “I appreciate that” trust me when I say, this sounded so much more messed up in Spanish.

I was FURIOIUS!

Why the mixed signals then? Why not just grow up, be a man, and say that he doesn’t think we are going anywhere? WHY? I felt stupid. Stupid for telling him that I care, stupid for giving him that much, stupid for putting myself out there. My ego, was now bruised yet again. My heart, falling apart.

We got back to the ranch, handed my dad his cigarettes and asked him to stop his constant teasing about Mr. Cowboy. I explained that nothing would ever happen between us and that we are no longer going to be romantically linked. I couldn’t hold back my tears.

My feelings of exasperation with my romantic failures were evident and I crumbled. 

My dad apologized and started to try and bring me back, reminding me that the man of my dreams was somewhere, just not in my line of sight just yet. 

Sunday, I spent the day recovering from my drinking, dancing, and disillusionment with the events of the night prior. 

As I drove home from the ranch, the sun was warm, and dusk was on the horizon… the air was warm but crisp. I felt like I was getting an “Everything is going to be alright” from  God and I felt renewed. I really did. I smiled and drove home. I spent the rest of my evening cuddling with my baby girl, reading about 8 more chapters of Fifty Shades of Grey, and we both fell asleep on the couch.

The truth is, my daddy is right. Mr. Forever is around somewhere. He just hasn’t made his way to me. I am patiently waiting for you my love! <3 Cheers- SLM

Let’s accept it, NO ONE KNOWS!

GOOD GRIEF!

This past Memorial Day weekend, it seemed like I spent the better half of it, talking to my friends about new relationships, lack thereof, and old relationships. Somewhere in there was a trickle of a past romance coming back into my life…shhhh I’m not telling you who just yet….

However, for the most part, the weekend was spent discussing what we could all “Do” to fix things, or move things along, or finally put a close to them.

All of the friends I interacted with are at different points in their relationships, some dating, some in relationships, some waiting for the ring, and some, well really only me, still somewhat dwelling after the last failure.

We all, like typical females, and true to nature, hyper analyzed and dissected what we felt was what the other should or could do. Thinking strategically in order to achieve what, well, what we want, our happily ever after.

We discussed recent books reads on these very topics and the “Man” mentality vs. that of the woman. While some of the strategies and perspectives seemed right on, some seemed almost unrealistic!

“Don’t cook for him until he deserves it!”, “Don’t give him more than he deserves”, “Ask him these five questions!”, the joyyyyyyyyy!   

Then , I got to thinkin’….

NOBODY knows ANYTHING!

The truth is, everyone is unpredictable. People can have “changes of heart” at a moments notice, and for whatever reason. They can “see” what they were losing, “see” what they are gaining, or simply “realize” that what was right before them, was right all along.

Nothing is set in stone. Think about how many times you have changed your mind about somebody? Thus, if these books really offered the fail safe secret to relationships, don’t we think we would have everything figured out by now?

So since we all CLEARLY have no idea what we are doing, I will just continue to read up, take what I like from these Relationship self help books, and continue to be my happy, optimistic, self, and enjoy life until Mr. The One comes into my life… 

until then…~ Cheers Everyone! - SLM

One Tequila, Dos Tequila…Sober

This weekend was a myriad of things. Among them, it was giving, nurturing, warming, delicious, but  mostly sobering.

Yes this blog post is current! Its Monday, early AM and I feel like writing. So here I am, wanting to debrief with you, my friends and followers.  Because, well friends, I spent a magical weekend from Friday – Sunday with none other than my munchkin and my imperfectly perfect family.

Friday I spent it with my best Guy cousin and his wife… they are like a brother and sister, and as we lounged around their kitchen bar drinking glasses of Shiraz and Merlot, and munching on some delicious peach chutney, I couldn’t help but think how lucky I was. How lucky to be able to spend my Friday sharing laughs, memories, and anecdotes of our weeks past. I would catch myself permagrinning when I saw their interaction. Their love, that sometimes they don’t even see, was truly magical. I cheered to them and in my toast reminded them of how lucky they were to have what they have and to still be dedicated to each other. No matter what they have been through.

I had far more planned for Saturday than was feasibly possible. I was back to old SLM behavior of overbooking myself, and I knew I would disappoint some. I however made the decision of taking things in stride for the day and getting as much as I could done. I got to about 20% of what I had planned, but the evening ended with a birthday party for my cousin’s son. It was impromptu, she called me to invite me on Friday, but I couldn’t back out on one of my closest cousins. Last minute we started inviting the whole family and before we knew it, there was more beer and alcohol then we could fathom. We were joking, and laughing, just like good ol’ times. It was majestic.

At one point, my cousin and I had a heart to heart where all that was said was “I love you” but that was all that needed to be said. We both understood the paragraphs of words in those three simple words. We were grateful for having our family around. Grateful, for our children to be playing like we once did. And grateful that we were a family again… grateful.

By Sunday, Father’s Day was upon us and we were all mostly back together at my parents. There was tons of Mariscos (Seafood) like our family always knows best… and family and laughs. The newest member of our family stopped by for a visit, and my daughter held her 3 month old cousin in her arms for the first time.

These moments were nothing short of amazing. Our family was not whole, there were people missing, but the truth is, for these moments, the ones that wanted to be, and could be there… were. I was delighted in their company and felt so blessed to have them in my life. For with their company, I was sobered into remembering that family is everything, and I am so lucky to have mine. 

~Cheers- SLM