The Download (Part 2)

The strum of a single guitar soothes me now.

And yet, every single pluck of the string seems as though it resonates with every inch of pain that clouts me.

Yesterday, I spoke on the very reality of how amazing my life has been. It's important to focus on the positive.

The truth is, it has been absolutely magnificent, and this past Monday, it all catapulted into something I was sure I wouldn't experience again.

After a long day of work, dropping off the, then boyfriend at his mom's house, and returning home for some dreaded homework, I opened up my Facebook.

It had been months since I had a computer at home. Most of my updates were iPhone originated and so having a full screen was exciting. Except instead of a sign on screen, my boyfriends profile popped up and so did a message from a woman, almost instantaneously.

I have since grown up from my snooping days, but her message read flirty, and it stung.

I know I shouldn't have, and as my mouse's arrow scrolled over to the messages button I even questioned if I really wanted to know. The stress of it all swelled in my neck and upper back. The pressure was building and as I sat there for what seemed like forever, I decided, if there was nothing to hide, I would find nothing.

Big Mistake.

I sit here now, trying to make sense of it all in my head. What I read, what I saw, what I wish I could truly erase. At that moment, the shock of it all held me. Stoic.

What could I possible do? Confront him? Say something? And then what? Was this... it?

I read on, message after message with more than one woman. Please God, no. This isn't happening.

I searched the screen as though at some point I would see that the dates were old, that the messages were dated and I could find an excuse to make this justifiable, excusable, reasonable. Nothing.

The last message, September 3rd. Sigh.

I had prayed recently. I had asked God, that if he wasn't the man for me, to show me that he wasn't.

Here I was praying again for it all not to be true.

Had I excused the red flags?

Had I turned away from the likely signs?

The truth is, I tried with every ounce of my being to play fair.

I didn't question anything. I gave him his space. We are all adults after all. Aren't we?

Respect. I explained it many times to him. I explained that it was my one condition. Respect me, and all will be fine. But what bigger disrespect than to talk to, and court other women regardless of the medium.

I wish I could tell you that I am certain right now of how I feel about it all, but the closest resemblance to certainty I have at this moment, is the fact that I know that my baby is in bed, as I type away tears are swelling in my eyes.

99% of his belongings still sitting in my living room packed and ready to be thrown, burned, transported, god only knows.

What's more, I know that I've been so busy lately with school and work that the day sweeps by and then I am home, stoic, and recounting every single key stroke, every name, every conversation over and over again in my head.

My somewhat morose and candid posts on social media have given clue to my friends that things are off and so my closest friends continue to reach out and I, have... no... words. I just can't.

I wish I could be angry. I wish I could have the audacity to burn his belongings, and shred every single thing to pieces like he did to my heart. But I am not that person.

I am certain that like many other scorned women, I have a deep sense of loss and blame. I know you will argue that I have no reason to feel it, but I wasn't enough for him.

I gave him everything. I loved him.

Tuesday I woke up after two hours of sleep with eyes that looked like I had been punched. Tomorrow, will be the same. Nothing makeup and smile can't fix right?

No one, will have the words that will shake this from me. No one will bring me out of it. Only I can do that. I learned it through my divorce, I know it now. Friends and family can provide temporary distractions, but when the night falls there is no escaping your thoughts.

It's all part of the motions. This too shall pass I suppose.

And like so many of my friends say, it was better to find out now. Right?

Yes. I suppose. I could argue though... is there truly ever a good time to find out that someone isn't who you thought they were?

Is there ever a good time to realize that the person you love with every ounce in your being doesn't love you the same way back? I get it, I am being negative and emotional....

Hey! I am allowed to be, it has been two days.

The details of this relationship's demise will continue to stay between this person and myself. He won't be getting a "Mr." name either, some people don't deserve anything more from me.

I play fair, even when the cards aren't in my favor. Even when the other player cheats blatantly. I won't aim for revenge. I won't trash or sell his belongings. I won't buy in to the crazy ex-girlfriend stigma that some men constantly use to depict women in such a way that isn't truly accurate.

I will however, hold my head high knowing that I gave it my best shot.

You will all say it is his loss, yet there are no winners here.

Facebook should have a relationship failure statistic. Seriously though, it might help to dissuade cheaters. Ha! Who am I kidding. Fools. All of you who do this.

Hell yeah I am bitter- deal with it.

Sweet Dreams ~ SLM

The Download (Part 1)

Prepare for the longest blog post to date....Sorry guys, but I have so much drama to share with you! I will literally be doing this in Installments!

Sooooo.... let's catch you up on what you have missed in this still, Single Latina Mama's life. 

It has been what? Well, by golly, I think its been at least a couple months since I have touched base. Things, well, have been quite hectic to say the least. My life geared up in terms of work and all of my outside activities also took a turn for the exciting. 

Since my last post, I have managed to literally make history TWICE! 

No, really. I am not kidding. 

While it may be no feat to some, it is quite the feat to me and I am going to take it! After all, what better bragging rights for your kids when you are 80, old, saggy, rocking in a chair on the porch... and being able to say, well in my day.... I made History. Twice. Hehe

You see... I am the General Manager of an Instagramer community here in San Diego known as @igerssandiego. You should follow us... alright that's all the spamming ill hit you with. Maybe.

But seriously, we are doing some amazing things with this group and I have built a pretty amazing team to help this community become what it has, record breaking, and history making. I just can't say it enough! HA! 

Photo Cred: @lauren_gallaway

After an invitation by fellow blogger Stephanie-SoyMeetsGirl.com to host the second annual Haute As Ever event at the Del Mar Racetrack. This Latina Mom was also asked to be a panelist at Social Media Day San Diego!

Yep. I couldn't believe it. It was exciting to share the panel with the World's Most Connected Woman on LinkedIn Mrs. Stacy Zapar among so many others that I just oogled at in our Green Room. One of which was Social Media expert for the San Diego Chargers, Joel Price. 

I was floored. He approached me with "You are the person I've wanted to meet!" 

Photo Cred: @Chargers

No really, that happened. He talked to me about collaborating and hosting a meet at their training camp, and well... the rest, Ha! The rest, is truly history! IgerSanDiego was the first IGer group to ever partner with a professional Football Organization, better even, any professional sporting organization WORLD WIDE! Oh yeah! In the world. Boom! 

Oh but wait... it got better. The event brought in record crowds to the Training Camp with over 3,000 attendees. Moreover, the winner of a photo contest got credentialed to be on the field for warm ups and the coin toss at the first pre-season game! Lucky!! Don't believe me? Check it out here! 

The best part is, that Haute as Ever was still only one month away and planning and details were well underway! When I brought this event to the table with my team, my first thought was... what is the record for Instameets? After some research we found out the largest meet to date was in Madrid, Spain and hosted an outstanding 235 instagramers. Most meet ups that we have hosted even at some of our most popular locations can host up to 75 but never in the hundreds. Well this Single Latina Mama wanted more. Stephanie had informed me that in the past these events had hosted somewhere between 500 to 700 attendees. If I could manage to get that many instagramers there, we could easily break the record! 

So my team and I set out on a mission to host the World's Largest Instameet. 

Edit by @sdruben

Along the way, we enlisted Phil Gonzalez, IGers Founder and creator of Instagramers.com who lives in Madrid, Spain . We knew he would be excited to learn more and so we emailed back and forth for weeks. Suddenly, the unthinkable happened! Photosi Printup offered to fly Phil to San Diego! We could not believe it! Shortly there after groups from all over! San Francisco, Mexico, Arizona, Boston, all joined forces with us and even made it out to an event that set the World Record with 451 actual Instagramers and their guests. Music Art Life produced the event adding a 1940's theme, complete with a hair styling station, vintage furniture, burlesque dancers, live models, and live artists painting as the event went on. 

If you hadn't heard about the event head on over to Instagram and type in the hashtag #HauteAsEver13 for all the amazing pics of the event! We even had @DanToffey of Instagram join us at the event. You can see him pictured in our team picture below in the Striped Shirt! 

I am SO lucky. Firstly, let me say that. I have a team that I couldn't have done this all without. Lauren @Lauren_Gallaway our Feature Queen who manages our features on our account day in and day out. Dave @kiddradi our Marketing Masta, Ruben @sdruben our Graphics Guru, Heather @Heather_Amber who is our Project Princess! But who can forget our amazing IgersSD Street Team who help us with getting the word out, setup, breakdown, creative ideas, etc. (Pictured are: @sdchris, @xaperockz, @pacificyo, and Igers San Diego founder @hons24) Not pictured were our many volunteers both on and off instagram, I know I will miss many so I wont attempt a roll call, but truly, THANK YOU. 

These events all couldn't have happened without YOUR help, support, and voice! 

I hope you will join me at one of these events soon! And if you aren't part of your local Instagramer community, trust me, you should be! 

These group of people have become family! Cheers- SLM

I chose the Road walked both ways…

When don’t I keep it real? Are you ready? No, really?...

It is growing to be quite an annoying conversation truly… the one where friends, family, and acquaintances feel the incessant need to “call me out” on me being MIA (missing in action).

I warned everyone, I did.

Life, has been crazy. It is.

More importantly, I have finally been doing what you all, always do. Live life.

It struck me only recently, that the same people who get upset that I am no longer reaching out to, are the same people who usually were too busy to hang out, call me, or schedule anything outside of the ideas I threw out.

The difference here though is, I am not resentful. I understand that life is life. I understand that you have children, a job, a relationship, and GASP… Other friends. Haha sorry… I had to…

I would think, that knowing me, you all would know that I believe that everyone should be a friend. We all don’t know who needs us, could need us, or may need us at one point.

The truth is, I actually believe in community.

So while some people, lavish in their exclusive friendships, and the secrecy and anonymity of their lives.

I thrive on meeting new people, with new perspectives, and creative ideas. I thrive on exposing myself to other viewpoints that allow me to grow as a human being. I choose to blow my mind way open beyond the confines of what society dictates my life should be.

Woah… stuff just got deep.

I mean truly people. You are ALL special to me. There is absolutely no one else like YOU! Really!  

I have a friend in Temecula, whom I share only mommy texts with, another friend with my exact same birthday that understands my every weakness and dating war stories, another who only recently became my friend and in one month is like my sister, well more like beester! HAHA! (Sorry inside joke).   

You see, my point is, I need not define every friendship. These girls all know I am busy and love them very much. They all know that even if I don’t call, it doesn’t mean I don’t love them, it just means I am busy.

They all are special to me, they all have a perspective I can’t live without, and I am sure, that the same stands for you, yes YOU, the person reading this blog. Those perspectives are crucial to my existence in growth, which in turn makes you, yes you, crucial to my existence. Have I made myself clear?

In my eyes, a true friend doesn’t keep count of how many times we call, how many times I do things for them or they do for me, we are just friends, and that is that.

My true friends,  know my social butterfly self. They will understand that it’s the very reason I met them, because all of my friends have likely worked with me, been a partner in an event with me, or simply met me along the way of this beautiful life we live.

I sure hope we could all just share it without a dreaded count of how many times one of us walked the road this way, or that. Because after all, it does go both ways. Truth.

-Cheers ~SLM

The rundown, in a quick not so dirty fashion.

I write today from the confines of my bedsheets and mattress. Yes, I'm in bed at an ungodly time of the day, and I. LOVE. IT! 

Well, I tell you this much my fellow readers, your Single Latina Mama came down with Pneumonia (insert horror film background music).

Crazy... I know! 

My writing goes more like, yadda yadda yadda, (cough! cough!), where was I? Oh! Yadda yadda ya (cough! cough!). True story! 

But I have been away so long that I need to catch you up on a few things! Ready? 

1) We are settled! 

We were blessed by so many, well I can't name them all without forgetting someone and I really don't like to use real names. Andddd quite honestly making up 37 fake names for people seemed really unnecessary and difficult with pneumonia brain. So I will spare you all, but I will say this: YOU all, and you know who you are, made this house a home. Without every single one of you, I would not have basic essentials, like forks, bowls, and the very mattress I lay on right now! You are all family now, and I will never be able to explain the level of gratitude I have for you all! I truly hope that you are all blessed beyond understanding. 

2) I'm broke

Haha I know what you are thinking! Weren't you before? Well now, I really am! LOL 

Getting into this new place was a challenge financially. I am still attempting a recovery which consists of eating dinner at my moms on occasion and working too much overtime. But hey, a single latina mama has to do what a single latina mama has to do, right? 

3) There are no Misters in my life. None.

Oh yeah you read that right! None. I plan on keeping it that way. I am thinking less drama. Less emotional distractions to take me away from changing #2 above! LOL! 

Lets see how long that lasts.... 

3) I have been admitted to my college of choice, with my major of choice. 

Philosophy. I know what you are all thinking. However, what I haven't told most people is that this is my way of not giving up on my dream. I am following a path I dreamt of. I refuse to let anything stop me. I'm a San Diego State Aztec! Yay! 

4) The new job is Cray Cray

There I said it! It is crazy! Crazy busy that is! I am never out of work to do and I am struggling to keep my head above water with all the work I have. BUT, it's afforded me tons of overtime even though the $5 per hour pay cut is what has hurt the most! This is clearly contributing to #2 which I repeat, is something I need to work on! LOL 

5) I've decided this year, unlike the last, to pretend as though I am having no birthday. 

OH whatever! I'll just say it! I hate that I'm not going to be able to say I'm 20 anymore. (Even though I haven't felt my age all my life) LOL

Truth is, all of the above affect my mood for this year, and the fact that I'm not where I want to be financially already makes me want to cry if I want to... And by golly it would be my party so I will! BOO MEE! I know I'm lame. It happens. We all can be party poopers. In this case I party poop myself! 

6) Isloation continues

Many of my friends are getting irritated, understandably so. I have been MIA. I can't say I didn't warn everyone. My last blog post was about my isolationism. I retreat when things are out of control. If you haven't gotten the gist of this post yet... I haven't done my job as a writer! 

7) I am preparing to be alone for a LONG TIME. 

I know, how dramatic right? Ha!
Well let me tell you, I am finally starting to understand the single parents that say, "I don't have time or the need to date. I will worry about that when my kids are older." I truly do get it. Although I will admit, up until now, I never did. I won't explain it all. That's a whole 'nother blog post. But I will say this, I don't need anyone but my munchkin to be happy. 

8) I have found myself centered and calm through my photography. 

Seriously. I know this sounds dumb too, but hear me out! I have been a fan of Instagram for quite some time now, and I have found that its only when I'm editing shots that I can center myself and silence my mind. Which quite honestly are things that are crucial to my emotional well being. So if you aren't following me there, follow me now @claud_oval. I will warn you there will be lots of munchkin, lots of selfies, and lots and lots of sappy quotes with ocean pics! #sandiego

9) Munchkin keeps asking me to, so one day, I hope to remarry. 

Sometimes people ask me why after a divorce, I would want to get re-married? I think to myself and respond without hesitation....

At the end of my life, I want to have  a partner in life who witnessed as much of my successes as my struggles. Someone who by and far showed me that good people DO exist. But most importantly that we both can love a stranger unconditionally so much, that a lifetime together was all that would do.  

I know it's sappy. See I have the cheesy all in me. It's there still, I promise! But the most important thing here is what my daughter envisions. She is laying next to me now, telling me she wants three more siblings! She is a funny gal isn't she? I know that this doesn't make sense at all if you Consider what I just talked about in #7. However, it makes perfect sense to me. Prepare for the worse and hope for the best. We shall see where life takes us. 

10) I have wondered what will happen to this blog when/if I begin a relationship. 

After all, I would no longer be a Single Latina Mama.... I mean what will happen? Will my readers drop off the face of the planet and think boo! Let me find another single mom blog? Or rather will they follow me along all of my apprehensions, my concerns with a possible step father to my child. I hope the latter will apply. Cause quite honestly, I rather enjoy the time we spend together here. 

Hope you all are well! Best of luck! Sending you all a lil prayer from Munchkin an Me! 

Cheers! ~SLM 

Intentional Isolation

"Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are," has been a quote used many times to make us conscious of our decisions and the people we choose to surround ourselves with. 

I beg to counter, that there are some people who we are surrounded by on constant day-to-day basis that affect who we are, and we have no such power over. 

Let me explain. 

You see, there are places like home and work, family and co-workers, clients, and friends of friends, who at times, we will be in constant contact with, and yet, we have no power to change these people from being in our lives. 

People are all different, some positive, some negative, some fun, others dramatic and needy, and you, well you may be like me... just a little crazy with a little bit of all of the above! Ha!

It is true, in most cases, we all can choose who we have in our lives. 

However true that choice may be, there are toxic people around you every single day that you cannot control. The irate customer who lies to your face. The crazy cousin who never remembers you unless they need something. Or perhaps the annoying coworker who gripes about every facet of their job.

We all face these people, day in and day out. What holds true though, is your CHOICE. 

This isn't a choice about whether they will be in your life as a whole, but rather, of how you choose to allow them to conflict your mood, attitude, ambition, or drive. 

Choices.  Choices.

You and I are no different, we all have people we know who perhaps only bring negative or judgmental opinions to our lives. 

Friends who perhaps aren't conducive to who we are, or what we want to strive for to be. 

Friends that are essentially bad influences who lead you away from who you are. 

And yet, we continue to allow them into our lives. But what about when you get that from YOU. 

Yes... you. 

My isolation has been intentional. It works for me. 

I know people must think it selfish. That's quite alright with me. I haven't been selfish in a long time.

Quite honestly, the fact that my kind personality has gotten me nothing but heartache lately, simply reassures me that when I center myself and focus on my own selfish desires, I am making the better choice.

Because truly, I love to be social, I love to cultivate my relationships, and thrive on giving of myself to everyone. However, in my path to redemption for my past mistakes I forgot, that being overly kind, overly giving, has only caused me to forget about the most important person in this world... me.

Gasp, I know! That sounded self-centered and egotistical. 

And what have you SLM? What is Wrong With YOU! Your number one should always be your CHILD! Not YOU! 

Wrong.

We can agree to disagree, and you may judge me, and I quite honestly understand. I used to judge me too. 

You see, my intentional isolation is exactly for this reason. Judgment. 

I am my own worst critic. I always remind myself of how much more I could do for my daughter, my parents, my family, my friends. And yet, i always forget about me. 

And all of these people continue to judge me for my actions or lack of. Including me. 

We all have to stop at some point center our thoughts, meditate even. Accept who we are, and where we come from as part of what was once, but is no longer. 

Self acceptance is something that I have worked on for the past year consciously. It's taken me a while. I have cut many people out of my life. 

Today, I can honestly tell you, I feel like a better person. Not because I feel as though I am redeemed. Rather, because I have accepted that I have made mistakes and become a better person because of them. I accepted and forgive myself for hurting others when I was young and immature. 

I am by no means perfect, and on this quest of self acceptance, growth, and maturity. I continue to evaluate myself and hold myself to an honest standard. Not one of negativity, but of realism. 



A realistic understanding that I am who I am, came from where I came from, and am a better person because of it . I will continue to strive to be better so long as I am granted breathing consciousness. 

So I ask you. Are your friends, family, coworkers, or external people really a reflection of you. Or have you just not stopped to hold yourself accountable for the bully you may be to yourself? 

A reflective sunday at best.... Cheers-SLM

Latina on Fire

Have you ever seen a Latina on fire? 

Well, you are about to. 

You see, I always try to keep it classy. I always choose to take the high road in any and all situations. To be, that person that can walk around with her head held high in the air because there is no shame in my game. No shame, in my stance. But much more importantly, having the maturity to handle a situation with enough pause to know that reactionary and impulsive responses to less than deserving individuals isn't warranted. 

However, there are exceptions. Because you see, I will argue, that it is an absolute travesty, that some people can go around life, playing nothing more than a selfish role in life. That no matter what good they preach, what good they seem to portray, their true intents are never so serving. 

Because well really, I hate going in circles so I will have it out. Sr. ButtCrumbus is... 

You know what? I won't even go there!

Rather, I will explain the series of events that led me to this vent day. Because through my eyes, through my words, and my emotion, you will see how incredibly difficult this "friendship" has been. 

From the start, this friend of mine, was obviously more than that! The occasional and casual flirt on a photo here, a message there, let to full on hours long discussions and chats about life, love, and our pursuits. Our similarities and preferences undeniably alike, formed what would become the last 3+ months of which I will shortly share with you today. 

You see, Mr. Peppermint as I will call him for my own reasons... Never failed to have the right words. He was sweet, charming, and absolutely incredibly intelligent, the sexiest part if you ask me! Haha! 

And yet, there was a sort of constant inaccessibility factor for him. Always. 

When he came back to San Diego, it was me who was there to receive him. Bright eyed, ecstatic, and nervous beyond belief. Sitting in my car watching him float through airport pedestrian traffic, him. It was as if, time stopped the moment he was in sight. 

I remember dropping him off that day where he would be staying, and thinking nothing would ever come of this, of him with me, no... Us. So I set up a wall! I mean after all, he would be gone sooner than we would be able to even form anything! So there was no sense in getting any hopes up! "Might as well squash them now SLM" I would say to myself. 

I stayed on this track for the most part, with the resolve that I would enjoy whatever time I had with him. He was fun to be around. He was funny, and just got me, so why not? He was my FRIEND after all! 

So I continued to see him. 

And then, there were plans. And then, he wouldn't show. And then, a great night out. And then, another no show. And then came more plans! And then, the last no show! A trip to big bear, and nothing. 

I remember that day as if it was right now, in slow motion. That morning I woke up early. I got dressed and did my hair. He always said he loved my hair... And to surprise him, I had recently darkened it! Ughhh

I stopped for gas, made a stop at the tire shop (I wanted to make sure we would be safe), and then I called on arrival. One call, two calls, three. No answer? Hmmm that's odd! Checked my text messages... Last text message was last night at 9pm... "Can't wait for tomorrow" 

Hmmmmm

I remember time stopping. I called my BFF and asked what to do. She told me to stay positive and wait outside, then knock on the door. His blinds, closed. 

Ten, twenty, and then forty-five minutes later, I decided that was enough. I pulled out of my car, marched to the door and knocked. Nothing. Pushed a call button, and Manager shows up...

"Can I help you?"

"Hi! I'm looking for Mr. Peppermint? He is in this room up here?" pointing directly above me. 

The man asked me to wait as he went on to knock. He came back, and I knew from his face and tone that there was no luck. I walked away in disbelief... 

This hadn't been the first, not the second, but the third time he had let me down. I drove to the embarcadero... parked and took a deep breath which released weeks of frustration and confusion! Gahhhh! What the FUUUUUUU???? 

That day was brutal. Absolutely no other way to put it. I remember my friend asked me to meet her for lunch... And the whole time, I kept sifting through the events of the day... Stoic.

When I tell you that there were no words. I mean it. I had none. I couldn't understand how the same person who took me for a walk on the bluffs of La Jolla and Sushi dinner just days before, was the same person that had done this. How the person who did air guitars with me at karaoke, twirled and dipped me in a bar, and made me feel like I was the only person in the room, was the same person who at this point made me hurt the most. It was irreconcilable! 

I went on to find out, a family member had passed. And while I am not quite sure why a phone call wasn't even warranted, I excused it, and decided to proceed with even more caution. 

In the following weeks, things would almost get back to Normal. We would chat here and there, exchange I miss you's and wish you were here's, all with the promise that he would be back in a matter of weeks. 

He had finished his training (the reason for his San Diego trip) and would likely never return! I just kept it in the back of my mind. He may never come back. 

So my heart, kept hope.

My heart, is stupid. 

Today, is Saturday, January 26, 2013. 

On Thursday, Mr. Peppermint sent me the following via message on FB:

Now you will imagine my surprise... 

Mr. Peppermint had always joked that he wanted to marry me. But this was different. It read, felt, and sounded different. Unlike a joke. It wasn't followed by a Haha. There was no LOL to make me think otherwise... 

Suddenly all of the talks about us moving here, or moving there, or getting a ranch, all of it, flashed before me... Was he joking then!? 

OMG! 

I was smiling from ear to ear. Then I realized I knew better than to get all giddy. So I responded that I could hardly accept a Facebook proposal... And then it happened again... 

Silence. For over 24 hours. When he finally did respond, it was as if nothing had happened. It was random, odd, and quite honestly infuriating! I had spent all night wondering what would make him say/do this? Was he drunk? Was he being impulsive? Was he joking? Stupid joke if you ask me. 

I sent him a lengthy message explaining how all this hot cold action was really confusing and exhausting. How really, I didn't understand his intent, and more importantly, how I didn't deserve it. 

I have never done anything to warrant anything bad from him. In fact, I am pretty sure the opposite is true! When he was in SD and had no food, I was there with a plate or groceries. When he needed something, I was there. Perhaps this was my mistake. 

I asked him, no, begged him to be honest and not hold back. I asked him to tell me his thoughts on us just going our separate ways. 

No response. 

Its now Friday...imagine this

I am taking a break from being at the emergency room waiting to see my grandmother who was just transported to the hospital by ambulance.

I bring up Facebook to update my cousins on the matter and find that Mr. Peppermint was tagged by a woman noting that it had been "the best night with the best guy!" What the HELL? 

What's more, the comments! Comments talking about the beautiful and happy couple. Well! 

If I had ever been at a loss for words... This moment topped them. I laughed. Literally. Laughed, out loud, long and hard before coming to a stop on tears. Tears that wouldn't stop. 

Marry you? MARRY YOU? Does she know about me? Does she know that you just posted 27 love songs to my wall just three days ago? Does she know? 

WHAT

THE

FUCK! 

I usually keep this blog pretty swear word free but nothing explains this moment, but those three simple words. 

I need not tell you, I have still heard nothing... Well because, you already know. 

The things I know at this point, are that I deserve so much more. I am an amazing woman. I have more love to give than he was ready for, and more importantly,  this is his loss and not mine. 

Now I know, these are cheesy, almost expected lines to say. But you know what guys? They are true. 

This IS his loss.

He lost a person that would have never given up on him. 

He lost a person that believed him, no matter what. 

A person that trusted him whole heartedly and wanted only what was best for him. 

A person who loved him so much that she was willing to let him go, so that he could figure out what he wanted to do with his life.

Selflessness friends, doesn't always get you what you want. It definitely doesn't fight for you, or have your best interest in mind. 

But what it does have, is the innate ability to make you feel like you did your best. You gave of you, unselfishly, lovingly, and more importantly, without regard for your own heart. 

It was my fault.

I should have been less hopeful. But I choose to believe today, I choose to believe tomorrow, and some day, when the right man, of TRUE and honest values, comes along, I will know what true and mutual unconditional love is. 

Have a great weekend y'all! I am off to see my Abuela. 

Cheers- SLM :-*

In the Zone… the FRIEND ZONE.

It is a recognized fact that no matter which way you put it, they say that MEN, cannot be a real, unbiased, friend to a woman. That no matter what, at some point, that man, wanted to, wants to, or will want to, have something to do with that woman.

Men would argue that women are the ones that will always have "feelings". I would argue, that women are the ones most likely to leave someone in the friend zone, where they sometimes belong.

In fact, I recall not so long ago having seen a video blog on You Tube that asked this very same question.

Can men and women be simply friends, just like two men, or two women?  Here's the link, check it out for yourselves!

I can see why this dynamic could work! I mean, let’s think about this…. You are a single male, or a single female and are actively dating other people. Like the rest of us, you have questions about your interactions with any and all potentials. Your Opposite sex BFF can provide you with that alternative perspective that isn’t that of your gender specific limitation.

It works!

But what happens when in fact you do grow feelings for this person because they are in fact your "friend". You can be yourself around this person, and yet, you are just in the dreaded…

“FRIEND ZONE”

What to do? Don’t fret! You see the only problem here is hiding it! This is your friend after all. If you have started to have feelings for them, SAY SOMETHING! If you don’t you are just putting yourself in this random and awkward situation where you will have to  hide your emotions, feelings, and constant ardent admiration from afar as other people take a stab at what you know you could be doing better.

Why? Well because you know them. DUHHHHH

You already know what they want and don’t want. You have a hand up on the competition. You go YOU!

Well then there is the other friend zone. The one that doesn't start that way. The one that started as a influx of feelings that perhaps got iced for a myriad of other reasons. Whatever the case, you are now in an awkward "What are we Zone." Both of you is too scared to discuss it because the truth is, it just isn't an easy conversation to have. Someone on this boat just isn't cutting it, and is about to walk the plank.

If this is you, let me first say, I understand how you feel. I feel your pain, i feel your desperation.

Why? well because I am in this same scenario RIGHT NOW. I am in a friend zone with ButtCrumb. Sigh. I have tried it, going out on dates, shaking him out of my brain, all with failed success. I realize

I'm seeming like a joke right about now, right? Telling you just a couple of sentences ago how and what you should do if you are in the friend zone. But the truth is, I am only telling you what I would do. And I wouldn't be writing today, if I hadn't spoken up yet.

Ahhhhh I bet you didn't expect that did you! HAHA! Listen, this isn't about who they are, what they do to you, or how they make you feel. This is about what you are willing to accept.

So stop to ask yourself today. What do YOU want. Because we all have the ability to love.

Sure, love is different from relationship to relationship, but the pervasive selfless kind of love, that grows, and is humble, the good kind, that grows life long unions is one that is kind, patient, and loving... duh! HAHA!

No seriously though. In my case, I suppose I've chosen to just be me. And being me, means I have to do me. I will continue my life as it is. Busy, crazy, fun filled, and sometimes ever depressing, knowing that if he wanted me, he could have me. All I can do, is be me. 

If he likes me for me, wants me for me, he will make it happen, for us. 

Because truly, deep down inside, we all just want to be accepted for who we are and as we are. Sarcastic, witty, dorky, funny, silly, and sometimes downright air headed. No matter who you are, or what defines you, that friend is around because they enjoy YOU. So if they don't want to take that to the next level, that doesn't mean that someone else won't. So tell them how you feel! What do you risk? Love? Shame on you for not trying!

Cheers Friends! ~SLM

P.S. Just because your friend may not want you, doesn't mean your prince/princess isn't watching you smile ;) So shake it off, square off those shoulders and remember that you are perfectly imperfect just as you are, Today.