Survival and Madrehood

Broke! Yes, I said it! I'm broke! Sure I enjoy myself with my friends on occasion, buy food, pay the bills, yeah, yeah, yeah! We get it!! 

But seriously, it's the Wednesday before payday, and I probably have $6 to my name. Wow. 

I guess this is what happens when you CHOOSE to have one income. 

It's funny you know, I have a good job, I pay all my bills, have a roof over our heads, but when my daughter asked me if I'd buy her pizza tomorrow, I froze in fright. I wanted to quickly say "Of cooooouuuuurse" and yet in that split second I thought: "I wonder if my mom has $20 she wouldn't mind letting me borrow?"

JUST THEN! I was relieved to remember that she was going to her Dad's tomorrow night! I quickly turned and reminded her. She fortunately was satisfied with my answer. Phew! Dodged a bullet right there! Sheesh! 

But the truth is, it bothered me. It bothered me enough to unsettle my strength. I felt like just for things like this, although there may be times in the future where I may need to say No, I still needed to have a plan, a safety net, so that this wouldn't happen again!

There is clearly nothing I can immediately do to remedy this situation. The fact is, my budget was such, that I knew I would be right where I am at, broke and crawling for my paycheck! 

And yet, I know that come Friday, I'll be ok again. Just like always taking it a week at a time, and sometimes a day at a time. 

But that's it! I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck! I want to have pizza money and maybe even some ice cream money as well! I mean after all, my munchkinator deserves it, and well honestly, I don't want that feeling again. :(

So call it what you may, fear of words, or fear of failure as a mother in my pizza wanting 6 year olds eyes.

Survival is no longer an option! 

I'm moving toward a much more cushioned budget, cause well really, madrehood is more important right now and for god's sakes, my munchkin wants pizza! -Cheers! ~SLM